The Antidote – Part 2 – Meditation

This is my second post on the book “The Antidote – Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking”. This time on its chapter on Meditation/Buddhism. I’m not Buddist but some of the stuff it teaches is interesting/useful.

If you are like me, for years you have been hearing people (therapist, parents, friends, doctors, etc.) telling you that meditation is the way to relieve stress and to become calmer, so you try it. And you try it and you end meditationup feeling like you are failing. That somehow you are just not doing it right. For me, with the multiples, meditation isn’t just about quieting one mind or part of it, it’s like a whole neighborhood. You have multiple houses all blasting their radios – heavy metal, polka, something Spanish, a talk show, etc. You have to spend time going around to each of these house and turn off the music. And when you think you’ve got them all off, they switch back on again, and you have to turn them off again. On and on it goes till you either give up or you have all of them blasting at once. Either way, it’s not a relaxing experience.

So you can image my thoughts when I got to this chapter. I was ready to stop reading. Then I learned something I HAVE BEEN MEDITATING WRONG. I thought I had to completely clear my mind to properly meditate. I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when I found out that, that wasn’t true. Meditation is not about emptying your mind, reaching a state of bliss or achieving a trance-like state of calm. It is not a way of seeking happiness, but a way to stop running away from things that we are either not aware of or don’t want to face.

Here’s what you do: You take the time to sit comfortably still, close your eyes and notice your breath as it flows in and out. One breath in, one breath out. Things will come up, sensations, emotions, etc. We need not be distracted by them but instead we need to notice them. We need not judge them but instead watch our thoughts and emotions, our desires and aversions, as they come and go. We need to resist the urge to run, fix or cling to them. Whatever comes up, good or bad all you need to do is stay present and you observe them, acknowledge them, then let them go. Always returning to your breathing.

The chapter goes on about practicing non-attachment, but i’ll leave some of the book for you to read

Vacation Then Chaos

I’ve just return from a two-week vacation where I went to see my sister’s family. I felt like it was time since I haven’t seen my sister’s youngest for almost a year. Also I’m skipping out on the whole, big family vacation thing this year (my family and my mother’s brother’s family – Lots of people), so I thought this would be a nice compromise. I have to say I was very apprehensive about going on this trip. The kids, my sister’s husband, the whole not being in my house aka safe place had me worried. I was able to take my dog (big help) and this time we (my mom and I) where able to stay with my sister at her house since she has a new one instead of staying with her in-laws. This help because I was able to feel more at home and not like I always had to be “on”.

I was actually surprised with how little my “others” felt the need to make an appearance while I was gone. Instead of them constantly in my head chattering, they seem to take a vacation too. It was almost peaceful. I did have a visit from Becca and a couple from someone else that I think is coming into the light. I use to say it was Sonja but now I’m almost sure that it isn’t, its someone hiding behind her, trying to make me think its her. Ring Bracelet combo

Becca’s visit was rather tame. I went into a jewelry store that sold very cheap stuff, and when I came out I had a bag and no clue what was in it.  It was kind of funny – I walked out with the bag and my sister ask me what I bought and all I could say was I had no idea. I’m now the owner of a pair of feather, chain and heart earrings that hit below my collar-bone, and two (one gold, one silver) bracelets that web up and connect to a chain and a ring on my middle finger. (see pic) I have no idea where we are going to wear them, they are so 80’s. But as my friend pointed out yesterday, that was when we were actually Becca’s age, so that maybe were her style choices are coming from.

The other’s visits were more of a switch snapping and a need to throw my sister’s kids against the wall. (I DIDN’T!!!) They wouldn’t get off me, stop touching, clinging to me even after I asked them nicely a couple of times to stop. Physical contact is a big thing for me and if I don’t initiate it I can’t handle it, especially when I can’t make it stop. I ended up having to shut myself in my room there to decompress.

This was a quiet two weeks for me, usually I have them popping in and out a couple of times a day, or at least I have a constant background track of their chatter going in my head. I think it was the lack of stress I felt. Of course when I got home everything went to pieces all at once. I got super stressed out and Damian (The Shadow) made an appearance, and I ended up having to have two therapy sessions in three days.

Damian was out for almost three days straight before we could get him to go back in. It was not a very fun three days and we came very close to going back to the mental hospital. Actually we came very close to WANTING to go back. While he was out Damian took the time to name himself and update his page. Be warn it’s dark.

Genevieve was the one that was finally able to pull Damian in. I find it strange that it was her, but she is the light to Damian’s dark. She also has updated her page, since she was out.

I feel weirded out by all this. I especially am having a hard time with them updating their page into first person viewpoint, even though acceptance of them is something we are working on in therapy. It’s scary what they are letting out on to those pages and yet so far when they are out they want to do it, they want to be heard.