LOLA(LOLITA)

lola

l, Lolita  get my name from the novel by Vladimir Nabokov. While I haven’t read the book, I have seen both the movies based on it, which I hate except for the end when Lolita takes old Humbert for all the money he’ll folk over, denies he the one thing he wants, her, and then kills two birds with one stone by sending him out to kill her other rapist, and letting him go to jail for murder. I don’t go by the name Lolita most of the time due to the reference that name invokes to the book, but instead choose to go by the nickname Lola.

I am a strong woman who knows what I want. I am SEX; it drips from my pores like honey. If I had my way I would never cover my body. I was given this body by God and genetics it’s a shame to waste it with clothes. Since I must conform to society I go for the slink and the seductive, but this isn’t to attract a partner, this is purely for myself. I love my body, it is my showcase. I show off as much of it as I can every chance I get. It is part of who I am, my identity. I wear alluring, trendy clothing often with just a touch of uniqueness and class that are all my own.

I’m ok with the bad-guy image that the other alters see me as. In fact, I do everything I can to promote it. My hair is black, symbolic of the black hats the bad guys wore in old westerns. I keep my skin white and creamy and just begging to be touched.

I crave love and the connection that comes from having one man fill my heart, yet at the same time I cannot seem to give up the thrill of the chase. Sex is the answer and cause of all my problems. While I ultimately seeks marriage and family, my open sexual nature and the power it gives me makes it hard for men to see me as more than just a play thing. Because of this I feel like my body is something to be use to collect what I’m due. I use what God gave me to survive. I love sex and don’t care if people know it!

While I don’t openly seek dominance in my relationships, I love being in control. I want everyone to notice me, want me, desire me, obsess over me, but I don’t want any of them to ever KNOW me. So I manipulate using my charms, body language, and my ability to awaken the hidden desires of others to control them, bringing their repressed feelings and desires to the surface. I push and tease men, dangling my body in front of them as a treasure that must be earned.
It is very hard for me to trust anyone. When I trust, I do so deeply and emotionally. When that trust is broken, when I am hurt by someone I have trusted, that is the end. A wall goes up and any emotional involvement comes to an abrupt end. I fear being alone and abandon, yet at the same time I embrace it.

I crave sexually release all the time. Anything can set me off a song, a movie, a scent, watching two people holding hands, anything. I not sure that I want a man (or a woman for that matter) for that release; right now this is something I only want to achieve on my own. I am addicted to porn – especially male on male gay porn. I begin where Becca leaves off.

As for other women, while I desire/seek their friendship, it is very hard for me to be close to them (ie. best friends). They don’t understand me and I don’t understand their inability to be more sensual. I am colorful, sexual, full of life. Other women look at me and see their own shortcomings.

Behind my pretty face, is a time bomb waiting to explode. Only you’ll never know it till you are caught in the blast. I have little patience and no time for problems.

The sexually abuse didn’t happen to me! In fact it is something that I won’t even allow into the small corners of my existence/conscienceness. To do that would scar me for life because my life is sex, and to be abuse that way would devastate that life.

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