About Me & My Blog

My name is Rose Smith. To start with I’m a  survivor of incest and abuse. Since November 2010, I have been experiencing increased depression, agoraphobia, anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, insomnia, and many other symptoms.  In February, I was diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I am starting medication and talk therapy, but it was also suggested that I keep a journal.

I want to say a little something about the name of my blog and the picture at the top of my blog, so that you can better understand me, as a person. I choose the picture because I need to remember the female form is something of beauty. For so long nakedness, beauty and sex-appeal have been something that my family (and thus myself) has viewed with shame and disgust. A secret that should never be talked about. I am going to change that way of thinking even if it is only here in this journal. The picture is also supposed to  be a depiction of the phoenix (the name of my blog). The mythical bird/ sometimes human that emerges new from the burnt ashes of its old self. I think the symbolism is pretty clear. I’m hoping to arise anew from the ashes of my old burnt life. I am going to burn away old beliefs and feelings and burn down to the covered memories that up till now have been buried and start anew in a clean, fresh light. At least I hope so. There is so much that needs to be changed and discovered; that it will almost take a real fire to remove or uncover it.

To protect the innocent, I have changed the names of everyone that appears in this blog, including my own. Most of the names are from the Bible and I have chosen them to help represent what these people are like in real life.

Through therapy I have come to the realization that there are parts of me that reside in the whole me – click here to read about them


5 thoughts on “About Me & My Blog

  1. Do you find that it’s hard to concentrate on things? I have PTSD and DDNOS and lately it’s been a real struggle to focus on anything! This is a recent development, though I have been living with the disorders/diagnoses for years, and it’s driving me crazy. Mostly, I just sit because I can’t seem to do anything.

    • All the time. Sometimes I feel like I spend the whole day looking off into space and I don’t even know it till one of my parents comes home and ask me what I did all day. I don’t even know how to answer them. I was trying to take some on-line class only to come away feeling like a failure because I couldn’t read more then a paragraph or two without getting lost. This was really hard for me to accept since in school I was a straight A student, who took all advance classes.

  2. I’m thankful that my hubby doesn’t ask me what I did all day because often it is just staring into space. Fortunately, I’m healing from hand surgery no I’m not expected to do anything. I’m supposed to be reading a book and reviewing it for the author but can’t focus and I, too, feel like a failure. I just want to be normal!

    • I’ve decided to go with – I am normal, it’s everyone else that’s crazy. It makes me feel better.

  3. I can do that! I saw my psychiatrist today and told her I was questioning whether I really have PTSD (she rolled her eyes) and looked up the symptoms on one of your links. Um, I really do have it. Then I told her I was also questioning whether I have DDNOS and she replied “And so were they?”. Okay, DDNOS is it.

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