I known it’s been a while since I posted, I don’t know what to say except that it’s been bad for me. With the non stop relatives visiting (which means talking about our childhood – half of which I don’t remember, or don’t want to) plus the year anniversary of the death of my adopted grandmother, all I’ve wanted was some peace. Saying that almost got me thrown back into the crazy house. Instead of my therapist hearing the plead for help in the form of something I could do to get me through, she heard “I was tired and was suicidal”. Never once did the words I wanted to kill myself, or I was thinking of ending it come out of my mouth. But I still felt so unsafe that I ended up walking out of therapy, which was a good thing because they called the police on me. If I had stuck around I would have ended up back in the psych ward, I’m still having nightmares from the last time I was there, so it’s not something I plan on doing again EVER!
This pushed me to finally getting a new therapist, something that I have been putting off because of money issues. But I now have one that specializes in dissociative disorders. Our first session was more helpful then the last year’s worth have been. I’m sitting here now trying to fill out the paperwork she gave, and I having a hard time with it though. The general info name, b-day, etc. is easy, even the check this box if you feel this way, but then I get to the last page and it like being back at school, essay questions.
The 5 most traumatic events in my life, my strengths (thanks to Sophia) I was able to fill this one out, because I don’t feel like I have any strengths, my weakness – the page isn’t long enough.
That’s all for now. I try to write more soon. I’m off to one of what feels like a trillion doctor’s appt. I have in the next two weeks.