This last week I have been dog sitting and enjoying some me-time. Some time to remember I actually like me when I’m not being pulled in fifty different directions, and being made to feel guilty when I just can’t do and be everything. Also I don’t feel like I am being let down at every turn, there is only me right now so there is only me to depend on, and I never let myself down.
This quite time has also allowed my alters some time to calm down, so I don’t feel like I am being pulled apart by them either. There is no one to act out for, no one for them to desperately try to get attention from except me and I can finally give them the attention they need.
What They’ve Been Trying To Say:
Kit – she needs some mothering, ideally from my own mother, but since we all know that’s not going to happen, from me. She is feeling scared, alone and helpless, and she needs reassurance.
Lola/Becca – with the diet and the weight and my clothes dropping off, (need so new small sizes) Lola wants to assert herself in inappropriate ways -example showing off her body as much as possible. She and Becca are going out of their way to get attention, in an almost teenage rebellion kind of way. I think their actions are less about attracting men and more about trying to get my parents to notice that there is something wrong with their daughter. It’s not working and I’m not sure how I’d handle having a guy in my life but to calm them down I’ve done some compromising. I have consented to some sun dresses and spaghetti strap tops, its Florida and summer so its HOT! I also got them some fun new eye make-up to play with. The “A” me and most of my other alters don’t even wear make-up,except lip gloss, but these two love it. Yes, I’m bribing them so they will be good. But with them it’s whatever works.
Sonja – has been in kicka$$ mode so she is basically got no filter on her mouth. For the last couple months she has told everyone off, she is sick and tired of “A” being the last person on everyone’s mind so she has been using her tongue to give everyone a good lashing. No one has been safe. I’ve decide to use that pent up anger in to exercise instead its better for me and it lets the anger go/ gets it out in a constructive way.
Ever since the church convention Genevieve has been in hiding. She feels like the whole thing is her fault because she went so she is doing ..?? Mea culpas for it. I’m trying to work on getting back to God because I know he is what pulls me through but it is hard when you also blame him. We’ll see.
I have another whole week of dog sitting to enjoy ;). Which I’m glad of because I need to be in shape for company over load.