Old Trauma Coming To Visit

Last night, my cousin Balthazar, called to say that his family was coming to where I live and could they stay with us. Out of all my cousins, this one is the one I just can’t stand. When I was five or six, my aunt Tabitha and her family moved in with us. That meant nine people (4 adults and 5 kids) in a house with two bedrooms and one and a half baths. Balthazar was the oldest of us kids, and was always trying to figure out ways to get the rest of us in trouble while he came out smelling like a rose. There was never any way of proving what he was doing and when you spoke up and said something about him, my aunt Tabitha would always stick up for him. After all he was her little angel and there was not way he would/could do anything wrong. I was his favorite target. It seems I was everyone’s favorite. Anyway for the 3 months they lived with us and the year to two years they lived three houses down from us, he found ways of torturing an already tortured me. He made my life a living H@!!. I was so glad when they moved away, even though I missed my cousin Hannah. Since then I have made it a practice to stay away from him as much as possible, but when I had to see him in the past; he’s always gone back to his torturing ways. By torturing, I don’t mean physically, but he is one of those persons who can always find your weak spot and go in for the kill, torturing you emotionally. For many years, he made it his duty to destroy whatever confidence I had. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in many years because he moved his family far away and he never seemed able to make it for family reunions, weddings, etc. for which I was always grateful.

Now out of the blue, he wants to bring his family here and he’s asked my parents to stay with us. I suddenly feel six years old again, looking over my shoulder waiting for the next attack. The problem is, is that he was always so good with the sneak attacks. He’d wait till you relaxed then hit you with all he had. I know that I am an adult now and things are different but I still remember how much he was able to hurt me and I go back to being a child facing what seems like a giant that can’t be brought down. I’m not sure if I have the strength to deal with that or him. I know that he isn’t coming to visit till sometime in August but he’s already got me looking over my shoulder.

I’m really unhappy about this whole thing, I hope against hope that something comes up and I don’t have to deal with him. Maybe he won’t come or maybe I can go away while he is here. I just hate that he can send me back to such a helpless place.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s