He’s Back!?!

For the last two years, my cousin, Amos has been living with his mom and sister across the country, and it has been relatively peaceful on that front. I guess I should really start at the beginning when it comes to Amos and all the messed up emotions he invokes.
When his parents went through their divorce it was like I gained three older brothers and I really didn’t get a say in the matter. A part of me is still VERY resentful of this because they took the little attention that my mother was able to give me and made it vanish into thin air. The thing with Amos, though is that I got a kind of gift. We are only five dayknife blogs apart in age and it was like having a twin. We were inseparable as children, we were each other’s shadow. That changed when Amos, was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. The person I loved and was like a twin to me disappeared and a stranger was left in his place. He still looked the same, his voice was the same, but the part of him that made him, him was gone. It was like he died, and his Amos body was inhabited by someone else. Medications help and you’d get to see glimpses of the old Amos, but there was also this new Amos to deal with. The one that won’t stay on his meds because nothing is wrong with him, the one that takes a machete to furniture, the one that will kill you in your sleep, the one I am afraid to be alone with. While he was gone, I didn’t have to face the fact that the Amos of my childhood is never really coming back. That the person that he was is now gone for good.
On Tuesday we got a call from, Amos that he was is Tennessee and his car broke down on his way home. To make a long story short I just spent the last 2 1/2 days driving with my uncle back and forth to Tennessee to pick up Amos, his things and get his car sent to a scrap yard.
Now I know most of you are wondering why in the h(!! I would go on such a trip and it comes down to the worst of two evils – a 2 1/2 day trip into the country to pick up Amos or staying home and dealing with the screaming banshee that is my nephew, Reuben. I chose the trip to the country. Not sure if it was the best choice but at least I got to go somewhere I’ve never been before and got to see the town that is considered “The nursery (tree) capital of the world”.
The return trip was horrible, and I really pushed for doing the drive in one day instead of two. My uncle Able has no clue about mental illnesses (although he should since our family is riddled with them) and he doesn’t know how to treat Amos. The last thing you want to do to a paranoid schizophrenic, who isn’t on his meds, is make him more paranoid. My uncle, Able love watching all these conspiracy programs and then going on and on about the end of the world; till even I was paranoid.
Now that Amos is back I feel like even the little hope I had of finally getting some of my mother’s attention is completely gone. I don’t know why I keep hoping for something that is never going to happen (my mother realizing that I need her, and her being there for me), but I do! I’m sad, mad, angry and frustrated!


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