I went to the rheumatologist in hopes of getting my Fibromyalgia under some kind of control – the pain has been horrible with the weather changing from hot to cold and back again. I felt like the guy had less of a clue about treating Fibromyalgia than I do, because the first thing out of his mouth was that it was caused by depression. I felt like saying do your research; it’s the other way around. Fibromyalgia causes depression. After which we when through the list of medication I had already tried for pain and the treatment of Fibromyalgia, none of which had work for various reason including side-effects, allergic or did mix well with my current medications. He came up with one that I hadn’t taken yet so I went ahead and had the prescription filled. You can imagine my surprise when I found out it was an anti-depressant. I came to him looking for help with the pain and he gives me an anti-depressant. It’s like being told that everything that is wrong with you is in your head that you are making it all up.
Since I was having the suicidal thoughts mentioned in my last post I decided to go ahead and take the pills hoping at least that would help me with that. What came next is no surprise to me, because it happened with every anti-depressant I’ve taken. It’s a condition I call the walking zombie, the walking dead or the walking coma patient. All I do is sleep, and when I’m not sleeping I can’t remember anything – my name, whether I ate, when I last showered, how to take a shower. It’s also doing great things for my dissociative disorder (note the sarcasm). The dreams are wild; except I’m not always sure they are dreams. I had to have my mom take my car keys from me so that I wouldn’t think of driving when I was clear that I could barely stand. The times I actually remember being awake the rooms felt like they were spinning and I couldn’t seem to keep food down without being nauseous. I stuck this out for a week and a half hoping that my body would normalize but it didn’t and each day the pain was just getting worse and worse till my whole right side could be touch at all without me screaming. I’m a few days of the meds and I’m still feeling them. I’m just hoping that this makes sense. I’m hoping that once this clears up a little I can first my post on the after-effect of child abuse.
The one good thing that came from the meds is that I’ve stopped eating everything in sight. The depression and the pain on the other hand are still very much there. I have to do back to sleep now because I can’t seem to keep my eyes open another second.