Up until last week, I have never once asked my mother to choose between me and her parents, but that has changed. I can no longer stand by a watch what my grandmother (Babylon) is doing. Last weekend was my cousin, Abigail’s baby shower. Once again I’d done most of the planning and carrying though of this shower, so needless to say by the time it started I was tired, anxious, and really not wanting to put up with anyone’s crap. The minute Babylon arrived with her caregiver in tow, I could see she was looking to start trouble; after all she wasn’t center of attention. My mom was super busy in the kitchen plus she needed to talk to Babylon’s caregiver about leaving town, so she took her into the kitchen so she could finish with the food while she talked. I was sitting in a chair at the far end of the room with me feet up (they swell), when I saw Babylon look around, and instead of talking to the people she know, she went banging her walker off to the kitchen. Her walker is on wheels so there is no need to lift it when you move but she was so angry she was picking it up and banging it down with every move. I know that there was no way I could get to her before she went into the kitchen so I didn’t bother getting up. I sure wish I had tried to stop her, but as they say hind sight is 20/20.
As so as her reached the kitchen, which was at the back of the hall we rented but still close enough that you could hear EVERYTHING that was said in there, Babylon started screaming. I was all the way across the room, and I could hear her so I’m sure the 20 or so guests that had already arrived could her here too. She was going on and on about stuff, but it basically boiled down to my mom wasn’t showing her enough attention. When my mom said she was trying to finalize arrangements for being out-of-town, Babylon really lost it and slugs my mom. Twice. While yelling that her kids where more important to her then she was. To which my mom answered “yes”. My mom then comes running out ask for a phone so she can call the police. I still can’t figure out why she didn’t, but I have given up trying to figure out anything when it comes to this whole thing. Five minutes later out walks Babylon for the kitchen with this sweet as pie smile on her face like nothing happened. And for the whole shower we all pretend that nothing has.
Side note – My mom had to leave town earlier than expected because Dinah (my sister) was put on complete bed rest and she wanted my mom, plus help with her son, who didn’t understand why his mom could play with him. This also had my mom stress out because of all the complication that when with that.
After the shower as we are cleaning, mom, a few of her close friends and I are discussing Babylon and her actions, and I told my mom that this is the last time I will help with anything that Babylon is invited to, not only is she a danger to others, she is an embarrassment to me, and I will no longer put up with it. So my mom has a choice someone to plan and implementing her parties or Babylon attending them.
I then got the third degree from my mom’s best friend about how I don’t understand my mother need to take care of her mother. This pissed me off to the point where I could no longer hold me tongue with her. I said “I understood completely after all just like my mother is Babylon’s child and trying to take care of her, I am my mother’s child and I am trying to protect and take care of her. I don’t see much difference except for the fact that Babylon doesn’t deserve what she is getting.” At this point I shut my car door in the friend’s face and drove home.
After raging and being angry there, I finally reached the decision that, while I have never put my foot down before I was ready and willing to do it now. It was either Babylon or me, but my mom can no longer have both. So far mom is sticking to not having contact with Babylon, of course she’s with my sister 800 miles away, and they are inducing her labor, so she’s a little busy.