Yesterday I started talking about the Les Miserable’s Song – I Dreamed A Dream with the lyrics:
“I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living,
So different now from what it seemed…
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed…”
My therapist and I have been talking a lot about what I want from my life and I realize that I am having such a hard time with this subject because my life has never been my own. It’s always been someone else to do with as they wished – for Satan (grandfather) I was a sextoy, for Eve (mother) I was her replacement when she either couldn’t or wouldn’t be there, for Adam (father) I was someone he could share parent and other adult decision-making with, for Dinah (sister) I was the person that made her life charmed. But me what did I want, wish for, dream about and why can’t I seem to get in touch with those dreams now. While I’m not old, I’m not a teenager either, but I still have a lot of life left to live, and I don’t want the life that came before now to kill the life I could have now.
So what is it that I dream for that life to be and how is it that I can get there from here.