Making It Through

I made it through my court date. It was very nerve-wrecking. Fortunately my lawyer and the judge were both woman, which made it a little easier, and my lawyer had prepared my for how hard the judge could be. I just answered everything as truthfully as I could and tried to stay as calm as I could so that “I” was present and in the driver’s seat. At one point I came close to breaking and running for cover and letting one of my alters take over. Then my lawyer slid me a note saying “you’re doing great.” I help me focus. Now we have to wait again – one to three months to find out the decision made by the judge, but I think that it’s going to be favorable. I can only say this because the last part of the hearing was with a person that was with job placement or somehow qualified to testify on what jobs I could reasonable be employed at with my education, experience, etc. When she got done listing jobs, my lawyer then asked how employers of these positions would be if I couldn’t function 15% of the time during a day or if I had to miss one day of work a month, would any of these jobs allow for that. The answer was NO. My lawyer then stated that there were three medical professionals that gave evidence that, that would be the case with me. At which point the hearing was called to an end. It lasted an hour and a half but it felt like all day.

After that came the first of two dreaded holidays for me – Thanksgiving.  This year was better then most because we didn’t do a turkey. We didn’t do the family getting together thing, and the weekend was mostly quiet. I think that by avoiding all things that scream Thanksgiving, it made it easier to get past it. I’m not saying that it was a breeze because it wasn’t. I still had some really bad nightmares on the nights leading up to it, and I couldn’t leave the house without having a panic attack, but I wasn’t curled in a ball, shut in my room terrified to move either. I will take what I can get. Now I just have to get through Christmas!


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