With everything else that is been going on I haven’t had time to update everyone on the therapy front. I lost my last therapist back in May and was finally able to get a new on right after grandma died. The problem I keep getting is that because I have little to no income I have to go with that the state can provide, which means interns. I think I know more about therapy then they do yet they are supposed to be guiding me through my issues. I still haven’t decided if I even like my new therapist or not. A couple of things she has said to me have really bothered me. To start off with, right now I am trying to get help with my alters, so when I started with her, I went ahead and printed out all I have written on my alters so far. It was kind of like giving my therapist the cliff note version of where I am so that I don’t have to feel quite like I am starting from scratch. My last therapist read my blog so that she could keep up with where I was. When I broached this subject with my new therapist a couple sessions’ backs she said that she would rather not read my blog because it would be like getting sucked into a fantasy world. I was upset by this, first of all nothing I write in my blog is made up or a fantasy. Everything is written as I am seeing, feeling, experiencing it. I would have much preferred her to just say I don’t have the time. The way she said it makes me feel like what I write in my blog in her mind is equivalent to a novel. At the time I let this pass because I figured that she trying to be nice and just didn’t know how to say that she didn’t want to read my blog.
I really think I could have let it slip except for something she said at our last session. She believes that my alters are the same as imaginary friends. She thinks that I have created them so that I don’t have to deal with the outside world. They make it so that I am a self contained world all my own without the need of other people.
So now I’ve been told that my blog is a fantasy and that my alters are imaginary. There is nothing like have a therapist who really doesn’t get you. I feel like I am dealing with someone that doesn’t believe me, and while I’m use to that from most people, that is not something I am looking for in a therapist.
The more I think and write on this the more I realize that maybe this is not the therapist for me. I’m going to have to see if there is someone that oversees the interns that I can talk to on this issue. I need a therapist that is going to be working with me not making me feel like it’s all in my head and that I’m crazy for believing what I know to be true.