Going Back – Part 2 – Helplessness

Monday, starts the feelings of helplessness. Grandma had a doctor’s appointment and Betty is back- that is the only good thing about this. Without Betty I would never have survived this. The problem is that by Monday grandma’s condition was ever worse than when I saw her on Saturday. Every time you moved or touched her, she’d scream in pain. It took Betty and me 45 minutes just to get her from the house into the car for the doctor’s appt. Somewhere over the weekend she had lost her ability to even stand so that we could get her from the wheelchair into the car. It was nerve-racking.

Then I had to deal with the Doctor, I already hate doctors because of past experiences, but I really hate ones that don’t listen. Grandma’s doctor was one of those types – the “I don’t need to listen to what is going on with the patient, I already know so we are going to do it my way” types.  I keep telling him that I thought it was beyond time for grandma to be on hospice.  That my mom has spoke to him on the last visit about it and he put it off till this visit. Now it was difinently time. He told me “let’s wait another week.” She was died a week later. I’m glad I keep pushing the issue, because I finally got him to consider it. But we had to wait on the blood work and stuff.

By the time that we got her home grandma was asking us to kill her because of the pain. She said she wished she still had her gun because then she could do it herself and end the misery. At this point, I called my mother who is grandma’s Power of Attorney, and filled her in and told her that she needed to push the doctor for hospice. For all of Monday and Tuesday I went back and forth with my mom on the hospice thing. She too didn’t see why we couldn’t wait till she got home. By this time I was ready to scream with the helplessness I felt. I had grandma on one side in agony and everyone that could do something on the other side say let’s just wait. That was bulls&!t to me so I keep calling till mom got the point and got her friend, who works for hospice, to start the process.

The process was a whole other thing that made me feel helpless. The hospice nurse comes out to do an evaluation then usually the paperwork is signed. Here’s where the problems started

  1. Grandma kept asking the nurse to kill her so the nurse wasn’t comfortable with grandma signing the admitting papers.
  2. I have no legal right so I couldn’t sign the papers
  3. My mother who could sign the papers was on vacation a 1000 miles away, so she had to find a fax machine, get the papers, fill them out and send them back.

This puts us into Wednesday, since Monday grandma would not leave her wheelchair and go to bed. Betty hasn’t slept since then because grandma kept wheeling back and forth through the house talking to her dead parents and husband and calling for my mother. I’m worn out, the aide is worn out, and there is nothing I can do. We need a hospital bed, we need stronger meds and we need grandma to calm down and sleep. We finally get the bed late Wednesday night and grandma gets in it, but we still don’t have the stronger meds so she only sleeps for about 4 hours at a time before she wakes up screaming in pain.


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