Just Fun

It’s my favorite time of year. The holidays are FINALLY over, so I’m not being triggered every 5 seconds. But more importantly this is the time of year that my father’s out -of-state family comes down from the freezing cold to enjoy some sun and some fishing. I usually get myself through the holidays just on the thought that this time is coming. That soon I will be sitting in a boat (not soaking up rays since I burn) in the middle of the ocean with family that has nothing to do with my abuse. With family that has always been supportive of me, and that I can feel loved around. I will be doing one of the things I love the most – I’ll be out-fishing all the guys, my dad included.  I know that fishing is mostly a guy’s thing but since I finagled my way into going on this trip in my teens, I have always been the best fisher. And it’s always been a blast.

I still remember that first trip like it was yesterday. I knew that my dad’s family where all coming and I wanted to see them so bad, but my parents, my mom especially only wanted my dad to go. I keep trying to talk them into it for weeks. When the day finally came, I was up at 5am (something I don’t do unless I haven’t slept the night before); I put my bag in the car and my butt in the passenger seat and refused to get out. Needless to say I got to go. I think  it was partly  matter of my dad liking my guts in standing up for what I wanted,  and partly him knowing that by leaving me behind I would have to deal with my mom and her dissociation. That trip was like paradise. I was around normal adults, who could disagree and still put it aside and have fun. I think that is what this trip has always been for me, a look at the normal, a glance at the something better that I could have, maybe sometime in the future. I’m not saying that my dad’s family is perfect because they are far from it; I’m just saying that at the end of the day, not matter what’s happened, they still love each other, and you can feel that.

This trip always reminds me of my grandpa Abraham, since it is his family that will be gathering. My oldest uncle is a lot like him in many ways, he’s gruff, he teases, but he also makes you feel loved. So I get to see parts of my grandpa in the children that he’s left behind. In a small way it makes me miss him and wish that he could be with us, as I know he would love the time we spend together.  So grandpa, wherever you are, know that I’m thinking of you and wishing that you could be here with us.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I’ll be gone this week, having some fun and building some good memories. Oh, yeah and catching all the fish!

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