***I want to say sorry ahead of time to anyone that I may offend with the picture I posted with this but to me it really says it all on how I fell right now***
I have been feeling a lot of hurt and anger over the last couple of weeks. It all started with the decision that we wouldn’t be having a family session in therapy as I am not yet ready to deal with them; I am having a hard enough time just dealing with my 6 others. Since I had already spoken to my parents about having a session I had to then tell them it was not going to happen. My Father proceeded to tell me that he didn’t see why he needed to be there in the first place since the issues where between my mother and I. All I can say is it was a good thing he was away that week because that made me very, very pissed. It is like he feels that he had nothing to do with what happened to me. When it is exactly the opposite. First of all he was the only adult with a fully functioning mind in our household when we were growing up. My mother had split personalities that made her … well, not an adult, at least when it came to making decisions about her children. This brings us to the next piece of information I got last week.
After therapy I was kind of a wreck, which of course is not the time to answer the phone, but I did. It was my cousin, Hannah. Of course this lead to me talking about a lot of things I normal wouldn’t have with her because she got me at a time when I was still trying to process. This phone call lead to another phone call from her a few hours later with even more news for me to process. She’d been feeling out her mom, Tabitha and got this story from her:
My mother told my father and Hannah’s parents all together at the same time that my grandfather abused her. According to Tabitha this sent my father into a state of grief in which all he could do is sob. The story goes on that two days later Hannah and her whole family packed up and moved back to Michigan. It was said that it was because Hannah’s grandmother died, but the real truth is that my aunt Tabitha didn’t want her children exposed to my grandfather any longer. It was her way of trying to protect them from the monster. I lost my best friend because my mother’s confession, and while I don’t blame my aunt for what she did, I do blame my father for what he didn’t do. He didn’t protect his children. I’m not saying that I expected him to do something as drastic as moving us back to Michigan, but I did expect him to say that my grandfather could no longer see us.
In another conversation with my father in the last few weeks, we were talking about my mom’s dissociation and how he was aware that it was happening. His excuse for not doing anything is that he didn’t know how to live without her. So instead of protecting his children he put his head in the sand like an ostrich and ignores it. AND HE DOESN’T THINK HE NEEDS TO BE IN A FAMILY SESSION!!!