I’m sure that some of you probably think I have gone completely nuts, because I have been spending a lot of time with talking about my other parts and how I see them. The thing is, is that for a lot of years this is how I coped with my abuse. Another part of that dissociation was that I would detach and go to another place/world. In many ways that world and the parts of me that I became, are more real to me than anything else. That world is where I spent most of my childhood. My others are the only true friends that I had growing up, because they understood and accepted me.
Now that I am finding myself going back to that place again – I am choosing to explore it as much as I can in this blog. I am hoping that with time I can find the calm sense of peace that I find there in my real surrounding by doing this.
When I start to go to my other world it starts with a forest – it is sort of enchanted and magical.
I feel like it is covering me, hiding me, protecting me. The air is different – clearer, fresher, easier to breathe. There are many paths but only I know the right one, and as I follow it, it disappears behind me as though it was never there so that no one can come after me. There are many things of wonder in the forest – flowers, butterflies, animals of every kind but I am looking for something else so I follow the sound which brings me to the river. It is fast flowing here and dangerous so I walk beside it, till I get to the waterfalls.
Here I climb down to the pool below, and I find what I am looking for – somewhere to swim. Somewhere to clean myself, again being that I am in a magical forest, the water has magic in it. It takes away the pain. I float in the water and I hear nothing, I feel nothing. I become a part of everything magical around me. After a while the waters have done such a good job at relaxing me, healing me that I start to get sleepy. That’s when I see it there hidden behind the waterfall is a cave and my others are calling to me.
I swim under the waterfall and come out into a shallow cove. From there I follow my others as they take me inside the cave. Instead of being dark, damp and scary – it is airy and there is light throughout it. Some of the light is coming from the glowing in the dark fungus but as I get farther into the cave I see that it is really a home. My home with everything I need. It is there in the enchanted forest, under the magical waterfall, in a secret cave that I (all of me) live. It is where we are safe and protected, guarded and looked after. It is where not evil can enter and no bad can touch us – A, Kit, Becca, Edith, Rose, Sonja, and Genevieve.