I have always been the sounding board in my household. Have a problem, sound it out on Rose; she’ll come up with a solution for you. Need answers, can’t make a decisions, Rose can do it with no problems. The problem is, is that I can no longer deal with my issues and problems, so I really don’t want to have to deal with anyone else’s.
For weeks now, my uncle and my mother have been going on and on about what to do with my grandmother. She shouldn’t be driving because she is going to kill someone. Two weeks ago the nurse gave my mother a place to contact to get my grandmother in for a driving test, which will basically end up with her having her license revoked. My uncle says he will handle it right away. Nothing happens. Then my mom says she will handle it right away, again they do nothing. Meantime, grandma is trying to drive everywhere, mom is trying to take her everywhere and I am getting stuck in the middle of this confusion and yelled at because I want to know why – one everyone keeps talking about it but no one wants to do anything about it, two they can’t just take the keys from the old lady and tell her sorry you can’t drive end of story. This is where my mother’s side of the family and their indecision drives me crazy. It is like they believe that if they do nothing long enough that it will all take care of its self. I can’t live like that I need decisions to be made and things to be done.
On top of this issue, my parents are trying to make me choose a side in the little battle that they are having with each other. It’s a battle of wills and “you did this to me so I’m going to do that to you”. It’s like all they want to do is make each other pay and they want me to join sides with them. The problem is with this is, is that this has always been my job, so I find myself falling in to it without even meaning to. And before I know it I am fighting their battles for them so that they don’t have to, I’m places I have no business being, saying and doing thing I have no business even being a part of.
The last few weeks in therapy we have been working overtime on these issues, so I am more aware of them and when they are happening, so I have been trying to pull myself out of them without having to be the fighting force, the go-get-er, the decision maker. This has lead to my family pulling on me all the more. I think of it in the terms of a boa constrictor. When its prey is struggling and twisting and moving about it constricts even tighter, that’s my family. I want out of this role and they are constricting tighter to keep me there, all the while saying things like I put myself in things that I have no right being in, in the first place. Even time someone says that to me I want to smack my head with my palm and say “duh”.
So I have to pick as side, have an answer, but expect to be yelled at when I do because it is really none of my business. But I can’t walk away from it either because then they cajole, guilt, manipulate, force, or yell at me that I am not doing my part in the family. There is nothing I want more then to walk away and not look back, but this is my family and I don’t know if I want to do without them either. So right now I am working on boundaries. I just hope I can keep them up.