To start the wedding is over, thank goodness. I seem to go through the whole weekend with a kind of figurative pair of truth seeing glasses on. All around me people where acting badly but at least I could see the truth behind the why.
To start with on Friday morning, (the day before the wedding) Babylon called and said that she couldn’t come to the wedding because she had no shoes and no purse. Fortunately she got my sister and not my mom, because at that point my mom was so stress out she wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I was supposed to have the morning off to spend with visiting family and talk to my therapist instead I had to go over there and deal with her. When I got there she had all her shoes out I quickly made the decision that she would wear her pumps to the ceremony and then we would change her into her other shoes that were worn for the reception since they were more comfortable. The only problem was that the needed to have the soles glued back on, but I told her I would handle that. There was still the problem of the purse but I had to go shopping and I told her that I would look for one. This should have taken no longer that 10-15 minutes but she was complaining about everything and how she spent all her time alone, and on and on, till I was there for 45 minutes. The thing that was most annoying about this is that I asked her 3 months ago, 1 month ago and 2 weeks ago if she needed anything for the wedding. I told her that I would either take her to get whatever she needed or I would pick it up for her. I was told she didn’t need anything. I did all this in a hope of avoiding just the kind of situation that we ended up having.
I realized as I left her house that she wasn’t causing an issue because she truly had one but because she felt left out and that no one was paying attention to her so instead of dealing with it in a more appropriate way she had to have an issue and cause a crisis.
The real eye opener for me though was dealing with my dad’s cousins who where here to take the pictures. The day of to the wedding was very stressfully for me because I had to have someone do my hair (I don’t like anyone touching it due to Satan using it as the means to control me), do my make-up and basically get in my personal space a lot. Needless to say I ended you having a full blown major panic attack. When it came time to get my sister dressed for the wedding, we were in a small back room at our church, someplace that I again have a hard time with. But I was doing ok because my sister had said that only my mom, myself, her and the photographer would be back there. So you can imagine my surprise when she brought her two hellion children back to watch as well. I’m sorry but I was already nervous and panicky and these children where breathing in my space which was getting smaller and smaller by the second. When I say something, the photographer/family member started screaming at me. So here I was trigger already from the morning, triggered by the small space, trigger by the amount of people and not being able to keep track of them all and now I was being triggered by someone screaming at me. I tried my best to stand up for myself, but my sister being the go with the loudest voice type sided with the photographer. I had to walk out and take a small drive to recoup my nerves. I also had to bit my feelings and be the bigger person. I hate to say this but I did pay her back by getting my cousin in the room to snap pictures too. It really burned the photographer that she wasn’t the only one doing. And as I drifted outside myself (a safety tactic that helps me cope, but also disconnects me) I saw the truth. The photographer wanted the prestige of being the only one taking pictures, she wanted her and her family to be SO, SO great and the center of attention. She didn’t like that I put limitations on her or showed her up by using my cousin’s photos to finish the photo slideshow for the wedding (first she wasn’t there for rehearsal and second there is no way she would have let me use her pictures until they were touched up and perfect) In fact she didn’t like that she wasn’t asked to do the slideshow so that she could get the actuations that went with it. I made her feel like she wasn’t the center of the world so she hit back by hurting me because she could and it was fun for her. I truly think that she thought I wouldn’t be about to go through with the wedding, giving her another boost to her ego, but I sucked it up, turned off everything I was feeling and perform like a good little robot. I think it baffled the hell out of her. It also made me look like the better person.
So I had to deal with two people who wanted to be the center of attention, so they behaved badly, too bad for them I saw right through them. I realize that these people are seeking attention, but there way of doing it is by making others feel guilty or bad so that they can feel better. All I can say to that is you need therapy to learn that there are better ways of dealing with self esteem issues and insecurities.