My Animal Warrior – My Dog

I have been working on processing my newest memory of abuse, the one where I’m three or four (click here) for weeks now. It is something that is very hard for me to come to grips with since I thought the abuse stated at five, and I thought it happened in their home that was 4 hours away from where I lived. Now I know that this is not true. I was 3 or at the most 4 years old and they lived 5 minutes from where I lived. The memory begins with the certain knowledge that something bad has happened to me and I am hiding in my grandparent’s dog’s box so that it won’t happen anymore. The dog is in the box with me and I am petting her and hiding because I don’t want anyone to find me. And all I can remember is the feel of the dog fur, the dog’s calming heart beat and the fact that I was safe now and no one could find me.

I realize now that this is where my love of dogs comes from, even now when I am upset, all I have to do is pet LV, my dog, and I feel calmer, better. When I have bad dreams or am antsy and can’t sleep, having LV in bed with me makes me feel protected and helps with the fear. I just wish I could take him with me wherever I go. I realize that my child viewed the dog back then as it’s protector and it is a role that my child self still needs in my life. I know that a lot of people think that I am as obsessed with my dog as most people are with their children – i.e. pictures, stories, etc., but to me, LV is more than just a dog, he’s my Prozac.

LV is something that just feels good to hold on to when everything around me is going wrong or bad. He makes me feel important, like I matter. When he chases his tail till he falls over I can’t help but laugh even if the day is a bad one. LV gives me unconditional love something I’ve never had. Love has always had strings. He relieves my loneliness and gives me someone to talk to. For all that LV does I am thankful. Plus he’s a Rottweiler, and he’s very protective of his mommy, so no one wants to mess with him.

 

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One thought on “My Animal Warrior – My Dog

  1. I would love to have a Rotweiller but cant have a dog just now in life, but if I do get a dog I will get a Rotweiller. I am so saddened when I read your stories of abuse, and I feel great compassion going out from my heart to yours. I am amazed at your inner strength and spirit…I am just glad that one day the millstone will be tied around the neck of your evil abuser, and he will be thrown into the sea…cuz no one should do that to a child, and then on top of that to tell you what a nasty little girl you are made me so mad!!! He was PROJECTING his evil onto an innocent little child…just like the sick evil devil does, he projects and vomits all his filth onto innocent little one….I think it is so wonderful that you are not all bitter and that you have the capacity to love!! It just goes to show that you ARE INNOCENT and that all that filth made you feel shame but you have no reason to feel shame, cuz you did nothing wrong!! all us people out in the world see that you were an innocent victim, and through the internet we are the people in court who are listening to your testimony and we are the jury and we are deciding that your evil abuser dude was GUILTY NOT YOU..sorry for my rant..

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