Helping Hand or Slave Labor

Last night my sister pissed me off so bad I wanted to beat some sense into her. I have literally worked myself to the bone with all of her wedding stuff, what with the shower and helping mom with pricing food, making up trial recipes, and making final decision on the food so that we can spend the next week cooking it all, while she is off visiting her fiancé in Mississippi.

Last night we were talking about her packing up some of the things that she won’t need in the next month so that dad can take it in the van with them. This would be helpful for two reasons – one it would make room for all the people who are stay with us for the wedding and two it would make it so that there will be less things to pack up and move after the wedding. I had just come in the door from running around with mom to every store in the area, and I made one comment about getting the stuff packed up. And she turns to me and says that I’m more that welcome to pack up whatever I want, but that she wasn’t going to pack anything. Now I don’t mind giving a helping hand with things, but don’t expect me to be your slave.

I think that the reason that this is making me so mad is because I am the go-to party planner in our family. Need a baby or bridal shower, ask Rose, she’ll do it for you. Need someone to help with your wedding, funeral, whatever, ask Rose, she’ll take care of everything for you. It’s ok to throw it all on her, she can handle it. The problem is that when it comes to my turn or things that I need help getting done, all the people I’ve helped are nowhere to be found.

I know that part of this comes from being the oldest and needing to take care of things to get the approval of my parents/family, and part of this need comes from my abuse and the need to please and not make waves. I know that I can handle these things and it is esteem building to accomplish them. But I want to be appreciated for them not have them taken for granted. Also is it too much to ask to help me in return when I need it? It’s not like I am always asking for help. Let’s face it, my abuse makes asking for help something that I’d rather not do, if I can help it.

I’ve found myself saying more and more “It’s not my problem!” I’m getting to the point that my helping hands are going to be close due to over-work and under appreciation.

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One thought on “Helping Hand or Slave Labor

  1. As the oldest daughter in a dysfunctional family, I can say, “Been there. Done that.” In learning to love and respect myself and my own needs, I had to learn that it is okay to say “No.” to the many demands of those that I love. In doing everything for them, I felt good but I also exhausted myself and felt unappreciated/resentful at the same time. Today, I don’t say “Yes.” to everyone and that is okay. If I do everything for everybody, I am doing them a disservice by silently telling them that they aren’t capable of doing things for themselves. I forget who told me that. Oh yeah, it was a very nosey lady that I didn’t like much but this time she was right.

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