Understanding What Drove My Abuser

As I read through my copy of Secret Survivors, I am trying to get a better understanding of the driving force behind my abuser. At first I thought that my abuser, Satan, was an Authoritarian Perpetrator. Authoritarian Perpetrators are those that yield absolute authority and power over a relatively weak and powerless wife and children. But as I read on I realize that this was not true about Satan at all. He was what is considered a Timid Perpetrator. A Timid Perpetrator is someone that is made to feel weak, unassertive and ineffectual when it comes to adult relationships. They usually have a wife that is strong or demanding. Does this sound like Babylon or what?

Satan, unable to deal with the overpowering demands of Babylon, turned to the people that he could assert himself with – children. In his belief that he was the man of the family, he assert his control over what he saw as his property – his children and thus through them his grandchildren. Too intimidated to stand up to the other adult in his marriage he turn to the people that he could control.

While Satan may have been viewed as a tyrant to his children/grandchildren, to the world he showed himself to be a short, meek, wimpy man who ingratiated himself to everyone around him. Because he was a man that couldn’t or was unable to have or take the power he wanted in the adult real world; he felt a low level of self-esteem and that he had been denied what he perceived were his “rights.” Seeing power as the right of a man, but unable or unwilling to deal with his wife, a power-hungry, demanding woman he seeks to find his power by taking advantage of an innocent child – a child that is weaker and has less power than he does. In a way he uses the same principles that a bully uses to make himself feel better – pick on those that are weaker and helpless to build your self-esteem and make you feel more powerful and better about yourself.

It was through his sexual molestation of his children/grandchildren that he was able to meet his twisted needs for acceptance, approval and to boost his sense of worth and self-esteem. Due to his beliefs the person that he was inflicting himself on was of no matter, they were his property, his belongs, his slaves to do with what he wanted. They had no say, they did not matter, just as it was within his “rights” to use them as he saw fit, it was their duty to shut up and take it.

What was done to me was not about the sex or the gratification that he received from it, it was about the power. As it states so wonderful in the book “Incest is first and foremost an abuse of power, with sexuality the means in which the power is taken. It arises out of the need for power, not sexual deprivation, with certain other contributing factors, such as a history of abuse. It is not a product of loneliness or sexually unfulfillment. “ After all what can be so exciting about imposing terror and sexually acts on a whimpering, undeveloped sweet and trusting child.

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