I have decided that I need to write a letter to my doctor to take along with me to my appointment so that I can make myself heard. As I’ve posted before (click here to read), I have a deadly fear of doctor’s office. So far I have pretty much allowed my psychiatrist to basically make all the decision regarding my health. unfortunately he seems to be making all the wrong decision. After discussing this in therapy, I have come to the conclusion that we are going down the wrong path in trying to help my mental health. I’ve written this letter to my doctor in hopes that I can get him to agree with me.
I am having a hard time with expression my needs to you. Doctor’s office put me into a complete panic and every logical thought on my medical needs goes right out the window. I feel like a blithering idiot. Since I haven’t been able to stop my intense fear of doctors, I figured my best bet was to write down my needs and give them to you.
First of all I have been on 6 to 7 different medications for my depression and none of them have worked for me. I feel like all of them are putting me into a fog and I become unable to work on any of the issues that are causing the depression in the first place. I have spent the last 15 years ignoring my abuse issues with work and an active fantasy life. I no longer want to ignore these issues; I feel that it is time to work through them.
What I really need is something to help with the anxiety. I would like to be able to go outside or to church without being so panicky that I can’t function. I would like to be able to go to my sister’s wedding and not have to drink to make it through the night. I like to be able to sleep through the night without having a panic attack because I feel like someone is going to get me.
To me, controlling my anxiety is more important that controlling my depression. I feel that if I could get the anxiety under control then maybe I could do things that would help alleviate my depression.
So I am asking that we start working on my anxiety and leave the depression alone. The depression has only once gotten to the point where I wanted to harm myself and I believe that this was induce more by the medication I was taking then by my actually feeling.
I would love to get some feed back on this. All I want is to be heard and my needs to be taken into consideration; I don’t want to make the doctor feel like I am trying to telling how to do his job.