As much as I hate to admit it, I’m going to have to come to terms with the fact that I need medication for my depression. I hate the meds I’ve already been on. The side effects are horrible, but I been off meds for three weeks now and I am not functioning at all. Today I woke up at 11 am ate breakfast, fell back to sleep on the couch about half way through, was woke up by the phone, had family stop by for a few minutes, took a shower, was so tired after that the I laid down on my bed for a couple of minutes (this was about one pm) and ended up waking up at 7pm. Had dinner, ran a quick couldn’t be put off errand and got home and was ready to go back to sleep. All I want to do is sleep. I feel like I am drowning in it. I know that it is the depression so it is back to the doctor’s for me.
I know I’m getting bad because even my dog is driving me crazy. Usually he is my comfort and joy, and I find even his annoying habits cute and the usually make me smile. I’m NEVER mad at him but lately this is a different story. The other day I striped my bed so I could wash my sheets while I was out with my sister doing wedding appointments. When I got home he was smack in the middle of my mattress, shedding black hair all over it. I’m yelling at him to get off and he’s looking up at me with his big puppy eyes while his tail is going thump, thump, thump. Usually I would laugh and kiss him, but I had to walk away before I KILLED him. Mom had to get him out of my room.
God I hate this. First I bloody pissed off, and ready to kill, then I’m annoyed and I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, then I’m depressed and I just don’t really care about anything or anyone and these feelings cycle around and around and around. Yep, I really need some medicated help.