Self love seems to be the hardest concept for me to wrap my brain around. Why is it so hard to believe that I have worth? Everyone tells me how gifted, creative and bright I am but still I can’t believe it deep down where it matters. It’s like all those words are bouncing off this shield that I have erected to protect me from the bad but it is also protecting me from the good.
I was reading an article posted on You Can Heal Your Life on this subject, and here is what I got on the subject. We are born with self love. It isn’t something that is learned; it is something that is deeply ingrained in us. It is something that needs to be feed by our parents, then our family, teachers, and friends, though to grow and stay confident. We need to be protected, guided, encouraged and empowered by these people in our growing years, when we are still learning our way. If this happens we learn to face the world with confidence, courage and a certainty that we are worthy and can do anything.
If you are like me, though this didn’t happen for you. My parents and then others failed in this. I’m not saying that they may not have thought that I was a gifted, talented person. I’m saying that they didn’t say it. They were more likely to bring up my faults than my gifts. I can’t even really blame them; they were not taught any better by the people who molded them. So to them it was easier to find the faults because that is what they grew up having people point out to them. I realize that my parents carry their own issues and pain, and that unfortunately they only knew how to project those same feeling of worthlessness on to me.
I now have two choices: I can continue to deny my worth, or I can break down my shield and let the good in. I want the love I have so long been denying myself. So it is time to go back to the beginning and allow my child to see that I am amazing, talented, beautiful, powerful, and sexy. That I have a bright shining light that is just waiting to burst out.
The article talks about finding a picture of myself when I was young and I hadn’t yet learned to hate myself. To focus on all the wonderful qualities that I possessed, the wonder and trust that shined from my eyes. I need to remember that all those things are still inside me; they are just hidden, and now is the time for me to dig them out and let them shine.