Lately I have been having a terrible time sleeping. I’m not sure if it is stress or the fact that once again I am medicine less. Since I checked myself out of the hospital, I have had to stop the Zoloft. I went to my doctor last week on Monday and he prescribed me a new medication. I went directly from his office to the pharmacy to fill it, only to be told that the medication wasn’t covered by my insurance and that it way over $200 to fill it. Needless to say I can’t afford $200 a pop for meds, so I called and immediately left a message with my doctor about getting something else. After 2 days of not hearing back from them, I call again. I was told that I would have to wait for my next appointment, 2 weeks away, before I could get a new prescription.
So I’m trying to deal with the feelings that make me want to cry non-stop, the panic that happens every time I walk outside my house, the flashbacks and the shakes. All of this is making my sleep cycle go awry. Instead of falling asleep at 12 or 1 am and staying asleep, I’m now waking up at 3 or 4 and not being able to go back to sleep. After a few days of this, I started getting out of bed at 6 am and going down to the ocean. I live like a mile from it and in the early morning there is no one there, so I don’t get panicky. I have taken to walking on the sand and watching the sun-raise. I’ve been able to keep the panic down long enough for about ½ hour, all though this morning when I tried to go past that I started getting paranoid that I was being followed and that someone was going to get me. So I’m going to stick to the ½ hour. Anyway I come home from the beach, bathed my dog (he needed it, I’ve be a little neglectful lately) took a shower, and crawled back into bed and slept for 4 straight, blissful hours like I was dead to the world.
It’s nice to actually feel rested for a change, maybe now I’ll stop snapping at people.