The second step to Speaking Out mentioned in Loving Yourself – 4 Steps to a Happier You, is ASKING.
From most people, myself included, this is the most difficult step of speaking out. I find this step so difficult because I don’t feel that I deserve anything more than what I am getting, even if what I’m getting is nothing. I feel that by asking for something I am putting myself in a situation that could lead to confrontation. I would rather go without than stand up and ask for what I need. To ask for these needs to be fulfilled – to say the words, to have reactions to what I tell you, to give small gifts of love, responses when I’m talking to you, to help with things that I need done, and to behave towards me in a loving and respectful way – is painful and hard.
To me, life is a battlefield and by asking for something, it’s like showing the enemy your weakness. It’s like a glowing neon sigh flashing, pointing and saying “attack me here this is where you can really hurt me.” By asking I am giving that person a power over me because I have needs and they have the options of giving or withholding my needs. They have the power to hold it over me that I am so weak and needy that I cannot do without their praise, help, support or love.
By asking for something I need, I have to come face to face with my feelings of worthlessness. I have to take a leap of faith and jump. I have to trick myself into being convinced that I am deserving and that I have enough value that asking for something I need is worth the risk. I have to believe that when I ask for something, the person I ask will lovingly give me what I need, because they can see my worth, my value, they love me and it will be a joy for them to give to me.
I have to believe that with each time I ask for something I need, I will become stronger and more willing to believe that I deserve what I am asking for. That each time I ask, that each time I take the risk, the small part of me that is struggling to love myself will stand up and cheer “I knew you could do it.” That each time I get positive results, I will feel stronger, more whole, worthy and I will feel more self-love from myself because I could ask. With each time I ask for something my self-image will form into a more positive picture.