I have been putting off going the doctor for this horrible cold with a really bad sore throat (I’m talking it’s so on fire that I can barely swallow), for the simple reason that I hate doctors. Now I have a nasty eye infection – it is leaking this pussy green stuff, it kind of looks like snot but it is coming out of my eye. I woke up this morning with my eye sealed closed by the stuff. It took some warm water compresses to loosen in up enough so that I could open it. My mom is insisting I see my doctor or go to the walk-in clinic. So I’ve made an appointment for later today.
Now that I have totally grosses some of you out I want to talk about why I hate doctors. After the incident with the hammer mentioned in one of my early blogs (click here), I developed Migraines which later progress into Grand Mal seizures also called Generalized Tonic Clonic Seizures. For those of you that have no idea what these are they are the type of seizure that causes a person to lose all control of their body, their limbs stiffen, they jerk, they fall to the floor, they stop breathing and lose consciousness. The first time I had one of these seizures I had no idea what was happening to me (I was 8 at the time) one minute I was at home and started to feel weird, the next thing I knew I was in a hospital with needles, wires and tubes coming out of me and a whole bunch of people I didn’t know working on me. For normal child with a normal family this is scary, for an abused child this is a nightmare. People I didn’t know were touching me and sticking needles in my arm and once again I had no control. The problem is that this nightmare just got worse. After my parents took me to the medical doctor, they decided that they didn’t want to put me on medication because I was only 8 and the side-effects were huge. For the next 6 years I went through every alternative health option there was including naturopathy, chiropractic medicine, herbal therapies, traditional Chinese medicine, homeopathy, acupuncture, and nutritional-based therapies none of them controlled my seizures. I became a time bomb waiting to happen. I never know when, where or how bad my seizures were going to be. And if that wasn’t enough I had alterative doctors poking and prodding me all the time. The year I turned 14 was a big year for me I was the year I refused to go to my grandfather’s anymore and it was the year I told my parents that I was done with all the alterative doctors and if they didn’t put me on medication to control my seizure I was going to child services. Of course that didn’t stop the doctors, but at least I was only going to one and once my medication got regulated I only had to go once to twice a year.
Now I have Iatrophobia. Just what is Iatrophobia? Simple put it is the fear of doctors. If you have Iatrophobia, you tend to put off checkups, vaccinations, getting your blood taken for lab tests and other routine medical care. You suffer through even relatively serious illnesses on your own, rather than seeking professional treatment. When I do see a Doctor my Iatrophobia cause me to get White Coat Hypertension. This occurs when the stress of seeing a doctor is enough to raise your blood pressure to a clinically significant level. Your blood pressure is normal when checked at home or in another setting, such as a health fair, but is high at the doctor’s office.
The most common cause of Iatrophobia, you guess it, a bad situation or traumatic event occurring in childhood involving a doctor or in a doctor’s office.
What is going to help me get through this doctor’s visit? A lot of deep breathing and reminding myself that this is something I need to do to show myself love. Plus I really want the eye thing to go away.