I have been enjoying my mini break from my family, although my mom calls me daily to check on me and my sister and nephew have come to go swimming with me. My father on the other hand is missing in action. In the 9 days that I have been gone, he’s only called twice. Once was last night to see if I was going to come to our family worship night. After this weekend I didn’t ever bother to answer. Now I know I should probably just shrug it off, but when my sister was in Mississippi he called her every day. It’s like I no longer matter.
On Saturday I when home to check my mail and love on my dog. While I was there I thought I was making plans to come home the next day to watch a movie with my family (especially my father). So on Sunday afternoon I showed up and since everyone was napping I went ahead and got on-line. About an hour had past and the next thing I know my father is going out the door with his golf bag and my cousin. At this point I was just plain furious. We had plans and he’s already played golf on Friday.
This is not the first time he has totally blown me off. Every since I gone back into therapy and start to try to heal myself, he’s disappeared. He doesn’t want to know anything about my diagnoses. He won’t read any of the books or articles I have left at his seat. All he has time for is work, his religious responsibilities and golf. I know that he is in denial but this is not helping me. I wish for once my father (and the rest of my family) would come through when I need them.
Anyway I am trying to remind myself that the only one I can change is me. I need to stop expecting more from my father than what he is willing and able to give. So for now he is just going to be the man who lives is my house. That’s what he wants that is what he’s going to get.