So this new thing is happening to me. I keep hearing someone calling my name, but when I go looking for who it is, there is no one there. At first I thought maybe it was the wind or that I was still half asleep, but last night it got really bad. I heard indistinct talking. It was the middle of the night so all the rest of my family were asleep. I was experiencing insomnia again, so I was wide awake. At first I thought maybe it was the neighbors, so I checked at of the windows but every house on our street was dark. Then I got to thinking it was a radio or TV that was on in the house. So I checked the whole house, nothing. At this point I feel like a completely crazy person. After all I’ve been around the house three time looking for the source of the voices I hear, I’ve been outside looking to see if it was neighbors a couple of times and still nothing.
When I told my doctor, he suggest Risperdal, so now I’m up to 3 different medications just for the depression, anxiety, paranoia, Etc. He says not to worry too much as long as the voices are not telling me to hurt myself, but I feel like instead of getting better my symptoms are getting worse.
Sometimes I wonder what the next thing is going to be. I’m already so paranoid that I can’t leave the house without feeling like someone it out to get me and not it feels like there is something in my house calling to me as well. And as I read over what I’ve written I feel even more nutty and I keep thinking this can’t be me I’m talking about. I’m the logical one, the one that gets things done, the dependable one. I’m not the flighty, wacky one that hears voices and spends my day in terror and fear. I’m not even sure how to deal with this. I like problems that I can fix right away. Everyone keeps telling me that the healing process takes time.
I’m reading everything I can get my hands on – books, blogs, internet sites, and case studies, all in a hope of finding answers. I know that I’m not alone in what happen to me, but I’m not sure if that is helping me. I want to be better; I want to have a life but most of all I want to quite complaining. I don’t like to feel like this.