I was watching an old episode of Ugly Betty tonight, about how she wanted to inspire people so she starts at blog about walking a mile in someone’s shoe. While it had nothing to do with the issue I talk about here I like the thought of being about to inspire just one person with what I write. I would like just one person to say thank for saying that.
Tonight I want to thank someone special to me that has inspired me to keep writing, to keep searching, to keep healing and yes, to keep feeling the pain and making it out the other side. When I asked her to read what I was writing her, I know that someone I knew and who knew me would be reading my pain. It’s a very exposed feeling. Somehow when you write to the blog community, it’s like talking to yourself or a stranger. It is different when it is someone you know.
I’d also like to share her words to me. They make me cry and as I said they keep me going.
“I read through your blog and your family information… I have to tell you first of all, I BELIEVE YOU. I BELIEVE IN YOU. I still get angry, to this day, knowing that my parents and your parents took me over to your grandparents’ house when I was young. I feel like it was a total disregard for my personal safety, for Dinah’s safety, for other’s safety… I would NEVER put my daughter or future child in that kind of position, even if there were only accusations… I know you. It’s been a long time since we’ve been together in the flesh, but I have never and will never forget who you are at your core, and I know that you are the type of person that is seeking justice for yourself, and I commend you for having the strength that your mother does not. It’s not a weakness to stand up and say NO; even when your family is shoving your abuser in your face, welcoming him into your home, in to your place of worship… they are in the wrong Rose, not you. Eve has been succumbing to her father’s will long after he stopped touching her, because she has been guided to do that by those around her who offer her advice. She ignores the stink of it. You call shit SHIT and he was shit and you are stronger than those around you who have told you to submit yourself to him. Think of that when you are lying in bed recovering and she is running around like a chicken with her head cut off doing for everyone. You are healing; she can’t ever heal… that is why her personality is so divided. I am so proud of you for sharing your story with me and whoever else you’ve trusted to share it with. It’s not poisoning us; it’s not growing into something more dangerous and powerful. If its manure on the field… all the shit is coming out of you and it’s growing into something new, something that will soon be beautiful, abundant and life sustaining. You are on the right track. I will not tell you what else needs to be done, because I haven’t a clue. I am not a therapist or a spiritual healer… but I am your friend… more than that, I AM YOUR FAMILY! I love you so much and I am always here for you. I will continue to read your blog and wish you the best in your journey to recovery. You can talk to me about anything; bounce anything you need to off of me. I am here for you.”
I hope everyone that is going through this has someone like my cousin, Sophia. For her and the rest of my family that have stood behind me on this I thank them and God every day.
Today I’m starting with baby steps or baby goals
- Exercise Daily – either walk my dog or do Wii Fit
- Lose 4lbs in 2 weeks
- Continue to work on my classes in Greek Mythology and Alternative Medicine
- I will not let this get me down.
These may not seem like a lot but I’m still having a horrible time of it. The new meds are making me weepy, I now having a problem just leaving my room let alone my house, and every day I can feel my family getting more and more frustrated with me and the way things are going.