To start with I’m a 30 something survivor of incest and abuse. In the last 4 months, I have been experiencing increased depression, agoraphobia, anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, insomnia, and many other symptoms. Last month I was diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I am starting medication and talk therapy, but it was also suggested that I keep a journal. So here goes, I am writing this in a hopes that what I am experiencing will help others who are either going through what I am or are helping someone that is.
I’m going to start with talking about the name of my blog and the picture – the name of my blog is pretty self explanatory. As for the picture, I choose it because I need to remember the female form is something of beauty. For so long nakedness, beauty and sex-appeal have been something that my family (and thus myself) have viewed with shame and disgust. A secret that should never be talked about. I am going to change that way of thinking even if it is only here in this journal. The picture is also supposed to a depiction of the phoenix. The mythical bird/ sometimes human that emerges new from the burnt ashes of its old self. I think the symbolism is pretty clear. I’m hoping to arise anew from the ashes of my old burnt life. I am going to burn away old beliefs, feelings and burn down to the covered memories that up till now have been buried and start anew in a clean, fresh light. At least I hope so. There is so much that needs to be changed and discovered that it will almost take a real fire to remove or uncover it. So many scars, so much pain.