Since my last post I ended up having to go to the doctor for a very bad bacterial/fungal infection in my ear and throat. I’m still trying to recover from this and it has been over a week. But it was during this time that a lot of things really started to weigh me down. Here I am sick, can barely move, all I want is for someone to take care of me, but that is not what I got. I asked for juice and popsicles as that was about that only thing I could swallow, my mom when to the store to get vinegar for my grandmother’s messy laundry but didn’t get them for me. After three days of that I finally dragged myself out of bed and when to the store myself, even though I was running a fever and could hardly move. I also asked my mom to drop a prescription off for me since she was going in that direction, and I told her that I would get it the next day since I was going to be down there and I had enough to last till then (my prescriptions are filled by the county which is in the next town.) Instead of just dropping the prescription and going she waited for it. Because this is a county facility it takes a while to fill them because they have so many people using them. When she came home she was all happy and proud like she’s done this wonderful thing by waiting. She even said that it made her feel like she was doing something for me. All I could think was if you really wanted to do something for me you could have gotten the juice and popsicles I asked for when you went to the store, not sat around for a prescription that I didn’t need today and could have just as easily picked up myself tomorrow. And of course later I had to hear about how she didn’t get anything done that needed to be done.
Also the whole week that I was sick, my mom was running none stop, so there were no dinners being made, no one buying my father his milk, etc. and he is b!@#$ing to me about it, like I’m suppose to do something about it. I don’t even want food, I’m so sick, but I’m supposed to be cooking him his dinner?!?!
It is at this point that I realize I am less than a servant to them, I’m a slave. I want parents that notice that I’m sick and care enough to want to help me get better, not expect me to go on as if nothing is wrong. I want to feel like I am worth something. Right now I don’t.